Thoughts late at night...

Spent a bit of time thinking of Mr Big today..I guess I do when I'm a bit bored. He really sucks and doesn't deserve it..but that song rehab kind of reminds me of him and how I used to feel like I needed to get away and clear my mind off of everything that was him..There's no doubt in my mind that I'm over him now..There's just a piece of me who would have liked things to have ended differently..You know..but don't you always do? I feel like I always do anyway..You just wish certain things could have been said, or maybe you would have liked to have gone out of a relationship with your head held higher or without having said or done a few things. But I cant change what has happened..I can change my future but honestly..the reason I know im over him is I know I'm not even interested in seeing him to clear anything up or talk or anything else. I just..was thinking about him today. He still makes me a little angry..but thats as far as it goes. I dont even know why he makes me angry..maybe because he made me feel used..but thats because i let myself feel that way..I was using him too..but not in the same way.


But being kind of removed from New York and "the scene" has been really good for me and I thank my lucky star for being here on a tropical island right now at this point in my life. I feel like I have somehow come back to my old values and my old self..the person I lost a few months before I left..that desperate lost girl those last few months doesn't feel like me.I don't know what happened..I cant explain it..Anyways..I'm sitting here with a smile thinking back..it wasnt a bad time it was just such a crazy emotional time that I am glad is over. It was like I was constantly fighting to win a race I couldn't win in every aspect of my life..God it was too crazy.


Anyways..Im going back to New York next week and I'm soo excited to see everyone and get back out clubbing..Being here is wonderful and relaxed and just mind boggling at times..the beauty of the nature and the quality of life just gives me so much peace...but then there's always tha big city girl inside whos misses NYC and my friends like crazy. So yeah..very excited to get out and have some fun in my dear old city soon. But first HAVANA - this weekend!