I'm trying to spend as much time outside as possible so I've been
going to central park every day for a week for lunch with my roomies
who work in the area.
The weekend was insane and so much happened that I can hardly be
bothered to retell all that we were up to! In short its been drinks
and lunches brunches dinners parties on rooftops and even some
dating. :)
Waiting for the subway after an amazing lunch with karolina. We went
to the gym together and then we ate outside in the beautiful spring
weather..now I'm on my way down to soho.
Was just looking around me at all of these people who have become
invisible to me lately as I've had my eyes and mind set on something
so dumb..suddenly I realized that I need to adopt my "say yes"
philosophy again because that really took me places while it lasted! I
see now that I have been so closed off lately and I need to change
that immediately for my own sake!
Just needed to have this in writing! :)
Decided to stay in tonight. It's friday night but i genuinely dont feel like going out at all tonight..watched a few episodes of "significant others" but got bored and resorted to googling people. kind of fascinating what you can find out about people..hahaha. i know its kind of pathetic..but i keep thinking about someone and its driving me nuts.
my roommates are outside of my door in the livingroom with a bunch of friends and I hear them cheering and talking...they want me to come out, but im pretty comfortable in here..the guys are driving me crazy with their immature talk about nightlife and life in general really..ha ha i caant. i dont want to do anything else than this tonight.oh god one of my room mates friends is driving me crazy too: "oh my gaaaawd..you are sooooowwww cuuuute!!*"..just shut up and leave already swwwwweeeeeeeeeeetheaaaaaaawt! :)
I just wrote a long long blog about stockholm and new york and how they compare. i wrote about how the people who've been here visiting lately have made me realize that stockholm is nothing like i want it to be. i read what i had written and it was just boring... but i just have some sort of need to say it out loud...is it all the same? is every place in the world sort of the same? or at leats the so called wstern part of the world?
is everyone looking to be someone everyhere? is it all superficiality and parties and drugs and money? is that all there is everywhere? if it is i dont know what to do anymore.
because im over it.
is there a place where we all belong? i dont know...sometimes i wish i could jut go back to my days of crazy backpacking and forget about the constant struggle we all have to face in reality.
Here are 2 pictures from the good old days...just to show you what im missing on a cold rainy day...
New york has finally had some beautiful and sunny days! Yippie!
Have had a bunch of people staying over in our apartment for a few days so it's been busy again...an old friend of mine from my old days in Australia came over to visit and I ended up taking him in for a few days because he was staying at such a bad hotel. Now one of my two room mates has 2 guy friends from sweden staying over in our aprtment.we went out for drinks last night in the beautiful weather...aah. Went to the same old restarant?bar we always go to nowadays..I love it there..I ahve never really had a place like that were i know everyone and everyone knows me and they always give me discounts and stuff. nice..
but i have never had such a hard time waking up as this morning for some reason..god!
anyways just thought id give a little bit of an update...for the few of you who still bother to check in on this psycho babble pointless little blog of mine!
xoxo
ps. now im going to check out flights to cayman islands...to visit my friend! :)
my friend just posted a picture of me with my long hair..and i cut it off last wek. Now i miss it again!!! see the difference?
before:
after:
Oh and just because i had the first long night of sleep in forever i had the longest craziest dreams...i almost rememebr all of it. its weird how some people just pop into your dreams and can almost change your mind about them!! hahaha so fucked up considering its all in your own head and whatever theyre saying is what youre making up yourself.
had a dream that this guy ive been seing wanted to fly me allover he world to see him and i kept missing the flights..it was so frustrating..but then in the end we managed to meet up and my sister and brother were there and it was just the best feeling.. with him and my family!?!? god..talk about crazy. but it was just so cute..i feel like this dream went on forever and it was very real..so when i woke up this morning i had to check my messages a few times just to see if he had texted me or if it was all just a dream. in the dream he was texting all o fthese cute things.. of course it was all a dream! :(
God..i had told myself i was over it..but now i almost miss him. he sucks. i mean its not him that i miss. its that guy in the dream. :)
Having a lazy day..i know i have about a million to do's today but i'm just not feeling it. for the first time in weeks actually managed to sleep over 8 hours and it feels amazing..but its also made me so lazy today!! haha!
Have had a pretty busy week of meeting up eeryone and anyone i know! so ive been bad at posting again. All of a sudden now that the weather is getting better i have all this energy and it seems everyone else does too! So yeah..a lot more stuff is happening.
Im still as confused as ever. i know im not alone but it kind of sucks..sometimes i wish i could just become one of those people who are content with the small things. i wish i could be happy in a small town somewhere with my highschool sweetheart who would love me unconditionally, i wish i could be happy working in a job where i made enough money to get by (no more, no less-nothing special) the job wouldnt require any stress or thinking i could just do it and go back home and..ehm..make babies. or something . hahaha! :)
I wish i wasnt so obsessed with stupid shit..i wish my goals werent set so high. at least today.
Went to my friends Mims birtday party last night..i didnt last too long (bc i was so tired from the night before) but it was nice....putting up a pic of her and me! happy bday daaahling!
this was the song that i feel represents me riiiight now. there are just so many mixed messages going around..especially in dating life in this city..and you want to just have a real answer but all you have is assumptions and stupid advice from people who know nothing.:
Sometimes life can be a bumpy ride
Sometimes it feels like you're drivin with covered eyes
And you listen to your friend who's in the car by your side
They say they've got your map, what if your friends are tellin' lies
So listen to your heart 'cause you can't see no roadsigns
You don't know where to stop or to turn
Everyone goes through it I'm in the middle of mine
And I try to remember it's the only way to learn
Hold on (you've gotta hold on)
Hold on (you've gotta hold on)
You gotta stay real true to yourself in the game
Of becomin' a woman where the rules never stay the same
Remember who you are, who made you and who's keepin' you here
Who's makin' you not duck for problems in fear?
People in your way, dogs and bitches
Who's lickin' your ass? liers and snitches
Even though it's a bumpy ride
Keep your head above the waterline
Keep focused and you'll make it through
Keep on rollin' is what you've got to do
Even though it's a bumpy ride don't you slip and don't you slide
Love will be there in the end when you come around that bend
You've gotta keep your flow smooth, never hesitate
Never stop believin' always keepin' the faith
But always be critical never naive
'Cause if you can be that there's so much more you can achieve
Maybe then when you're grown up satisfied and strong
Maybe then you will be happy, happy that you held on
I'm thinking about an old song by robin which goes something along the lines of "sometimes life can be a bumpy ride". The ride I'm on right now sure is bumpy. Its back and forth up and down. Chaotic but at the same time absolutely boring. Weird right? There are just so many mixed messages, impressions and thoughts that form my life right now. I need some sort of set plan that's realistic. I need to live right here and now. I do that but at the same time I don't. Such a bumpy road.....
Going to a magazine party in the Hearst tower today..then on to a
little catching up over sushi with my good friend who's been in costa
rica for a while.. Ladies night at the sushi place..free
drinks=dangerous!
