Spent the weekend...

..having fun in the city. I was thinking I'd stay in the city just to
get some shit done but that didnt exactly happen!.crazy weekend..this
is me and my friend luis (here visiting from Marbella) on his roofdeck
in the financial district..I always forget how beautiful it is
downthere.

So little time...

and so much to do! I'm sorry I havent written in ages! It's been insane..absolutely crazy..I dont even know where to begin anymore..
The last few weeks since I got back from spain have been so intense..summer is here and i have been in the hamptons every weekend with some friends..i have been out partying almost every night of the week. i dont really know why but for some reason this seems to be my story every summer..going absolutely crazy partying.
Today I'm at work trying to clean everything up for my replacemnt who is starting next week.
i never thought id say it but i think im ready to go. im ready to leave my beloved new York. Not leaving quite yet though but I have definetly gotten used to the thought..

i finished things up with mr big.I didnt even see him i just wrote him an sms expalining i couldnt do it anymore..in the end it just dawned on me that he would never be who i wanted him to be..i have written countless letters to myself ( yeah im kind of a drama queen as im sure youve already figure out by now) trying to figure out and justify to myself why i did the right thing by telling him i couldnt see him anymore..but in the end it just comes down to integrity and pride. And the way it was..i just couldnt let it go on for my own psychological wellbeing..

Late drunken brunch @ Felix last sunday

more marbella pictures!

Yey! My friends emailed me some pics from Marbella so I thought Id put up a few! :)

Long weekend..and vague plans..

So the last few days back in New York have been fun but exhausting..I have been out drinking catching up with my friends every night..last night I met up with Mr. Model again..but Í didnt feel the way I used to..I just dont know if we have any of that excitement left? He used to make me crazy..now it seems Mr. Big does instead..but I have decided togive Mr. Big the sack from my life. I cannot stand his arrogance and disrespect anymore. He's an asshole and I dont even think he knows it..I think he is so used to getting what he wants that he doesnt even know that he is disrespectful...kind of. Its been fun but I cant be played with the way he wants..Im just not that girl. So I guess bye bye.
Mr. Model..well i guess I'll see him occasionally but I really dont know anymore..THen theres also Mr. Ambitious whos in the background..he just pisses me off too..I mean I dont even know if I care baout him but we have a bunch of misunderstandings and I hate it when people dont even want to bother to kind of solve problems. Oh well. drama drama drama.



So this weekend is a bit up in the air..I was hopng that one of my men would invite me out for a fun weekend in the hamptons or something..but i guess thats too much to wish for..hahha..i think i might be going out there tomorow anyways..the problem is that Mr. Ambititous might be there and we havent seen eachother in a month ( the last time was in my apartment in the middle of the night when i was basically crying saying i didnt want to see him anymore! the draaaama). That could be awkward..especially considering the fact that hes pissed off with me..i dont know. we will see..im just happy to have tomorrow off!!! yiha!

Back in New York!

Back in New York now..and back at work..I gave my 4 weeks notice to my boss this morning..it went so well. Im really glad.

Its been amazing being in Spain..the last few days were absolutely insane with pool parties and nightclubs with some friends of mine who came over! Viva la Vida! i burnt all of my pics on a cd and now it doesnt work..im so upset..i think i still have a few pics..but not like 200 more like 5. sucks soo bad..fucking technology and me.
I feel great being back though..somehow I kept having the feeling that I was missing out on my life over here..oh New York..always stuff happening here..how will i ever actually be able to leave, like leave-leave??

When I came back to new york my phone was overloaded with stupid texts from Mr. Big..yes stupid ones..they all said "how are you". Inventiveness? hello? Im starting to get sort of annoyed and disillusioned by him now..I mean..I think hes just pretty uncharming and weird right now..like whats his deal? what is he so afraid of? or what the fuck? I really dont get him and the more i text with mr. model the more i lean towards him..not that I need to choose.I think now since I came back and weve been texting i have been getting 3 more texts saying how are you..ehm.. i told im fine. Its his way of like starting up a conversation i guess..but sometimes i get the feeling that he might be writing the smae text to like 10 people...who knows.. Mr. Big never ever really did anything for me except give me hope that one day he might..im starting to realize its all his rules and he doesnt even have to try that hard..being away from him for this time has made me see it more clearly..who does he think he is? I used to be so obsessed with him..Im starting to realize its more my image in my head of him than the actual guy..hes not that much fun. oh well..we'll see..if he's in town i'll probably still see him tonight to give him one more chance..but my patience is running out a little bit.