Marbella baby!

So its been a few days since I last wrote..I am in Marbella, Spain at the moment. My family has a house here so we go here a few times a year..or I used to..they still do..but since I moved to New York I cant really go as often as when I used to live in Europe myself.
Its lovely being here ..seeing my family who I havent seen in a long time..my mom had her 50th birthday party yesterday and it was so much fun..my sister, my brother and I held a speach that went really well so I'm happy about that. Her are some pictures from last nights party.. the first one is me and my brother dancing, the second on is me my mom and my brother and the last one is me with my brothers girlfriend Alice!








Other than that I have been out living it up at the nightclubs here..I used to live here when I was younger so I still have friends here..so it's fuuun.

I feel very disconnected though..my phone for some reason doesnt work here and it makes me a bit nervous. I dont really know why..its not like I cant get in touch with people in other ways..or well I can get in touch with everyone and anyone except Mr. Big actually. We only keep in touch through texts and phonecalls so thats weird for me now. But whatever...
It's also weird becasue being away from New York kind of gives me a little bit of a perspective on what has been going down in my life over there lately...I dont think I'll change anything when I get back but I have defintely come to a few conclusions that I might not have come to otherwise..When youre in the bubble you start thinking that is so natural and normal but looking at it now I do think the way Ive been living is a bit crazy..Fun..but very untraditional and crazy in a lot of ways. As long as its not hurting anyone I guess its ok..and I dont think that there are that many feelings involved in it right now...its pure fun.I do worry though that Mr. Big will get to me. Mr Model I am not so worried about..I like him lots and always have but there are no hopes or pretentions there..Mr. Big though I dont know..I am scared I'll develop feelings for him again because essentially what we have now is not what I ever really wanted..I mean its fun but for some reason it kind of strikes me that its more what he wants than me..but as long as its fun why care..I'm just a little worried...aaaah whatever..now Im going to back out to the sun! Just thought I'd give you guys a little update!

xoxo

My sister, my mom and me!


Me and my nephew Willem (my sisters son)..isnt he cuuute? :)